I won’t lie, today was sad. I didn’t have to wake up early, but I had a really hard time staying asleep this morning (which isn’t something that happens to me — I’m really good at sleeping).
When I finally got out of bed, I watched LittleThings last live video broadcast by the amazing Cassie and Paul Morris. I almost cried.
During my subway ride into work, I simultaneously felt perfectly calm and also as though I might throw up at any moment. It was a relief to finally get to the office and be surrounded by people who understood exactly what I was going through. My coworkers, who have become my friends and confidants, seemed just as overwhelmed as I was.
We laughed and joked with one another, but there was an overwhelming blanket of sadness draped over all of us. We pilfered through office supplies and snacks, smiling as we filled bags with goodies for home, but we all knew the smiles were a farce. Underneath, we were all struggling equally to come to terms with what was going on.
Tonight, when I got home, I made an unemployment to-do list, with items like “file for unemployment” and “update resume.” My list didn’t say “try your best to keep it together,” but that’s definitely something to strive for. Making a list felt productive, but it didn’t heal me. I know I shouldn’t wallow in self-pity, but it’s going to take a little time to recover from the shock of shutdown.
As always, I have been astounded by the outpouring of love from the LittleThings staff. Everyone has opened their arms and stepped into this unknown journey of unemployment together. The sunshine we’ve all brought into each other’s lives will continue to glow, even if it’s covered by a cloud for a bit.
For now, I’m going to say goodbye to the Internet for the night, get into a bath, and grieve the loss of my LittleThings family. I love you all.