#YesAllWomen

#YesAllWomen

As the #YesAllWomen movement has been sweeping Twitter and the internet in general, it seems relevant to talk about the misogyny we women face every day. I have never been assaulted, raped, or molested, but the #YesAllWomen campaign has drawn my attention to the little things that happen on a daily basis that I don’t even think about. Though this movement started in response to Elliot Rodger’s shootings in Isla Vista, it has been a long time coming – with sexual assault on college campuses finally being discussed on an institutional and governmental level, the #YesAllWomen movement is finally giving a voice to the women who don’t have stories big enough to make it to the news, yet deal with this issue every day nonetheless. There have been an abundance of articles on this movement that illustrate the importance of it much better than I ever could, so that is not what I am going to do. The best metaphor I have seen to explain the #YesAllWomen movement and the subsequent #NotAllMen argument is the following: “Imagine a bowl of M&Ms. 10% of them are poisoned. Go ahead. Eat a handful.” It’s true, #NotAllMen are misogynistic, but #YesAllWomen have to navigate a world where some are. People are finally coming out and accepting that feminism doesn’t mean hating men, it means understanding that women are also people.

Because so many poignant articles have already been written, I am going to write some #YesAllWomen tweets that are based on my own life. If you check out my Twitter @SometimesTiaras, you will see some of these posted.

#YesAllWomen because nobody is going to give my brother a rape whistle before he goes to college.

#YesAllWomen because my friend was sexually assaulted in my bed and our friend said “He just doesn’t know where the line is.” NO is the line.

Someone once told me he “deserved” to date someone because he’d been her friend for so long. #YesAllWomen

#YesAllWomen because every time I watch Law&Order: SVU I worry that I fit the profile of so many of those victims.

#YesAllWomen deserve to be able to walk alone in the dark like men do.

“No, I’m not interested” doesn’t mean “try harder.” #YesAllWomen

#YesAllWomen can be bought drinks without “owing” anyone anything.

#YesAllWomen are human beings who deserve better.

 

Some of the best articles I’ve found online:

http://time.com/114043/yesallwomen-hashtag-santa-barbara-shooting/

http://edition.cnn.com/2014/05/27/living/california-killer-hashtag-yesallwomen/

http://thoughtcatalog.com/rob-fee/2014/05/14-yesallwomen-tweets-that-everyone-needs-to-see/

http://www.newyorker.com/online/blogs/culture/2014/05/the-power-of-yesallwomen.html

http://readwrite.com/2014/05/26/twitter-yesallwomen-hashtag-isla-vista-shooting#awesm=~oFECvbF2QHBhmQ

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The Most Powerful #YesAllWomen Tweets

TIME

Updated May 27, 2014 at 11:50 a.m.

In a disturbing, now-removed YouTube video, the suspect in the murder spree near Santa Barbara, Calif. promised his revenge against the women who he says forced him to live “an existence of loneliness, rejection and unfulfilled desires.”

“You girls have never been attracted to me,” Elliot Rodger, who killed six people before taking his own life, said in the video. “I don’t know why you girls aren’t attracted to me, but I will punish you all for it. It’s an injustice, a crime, because… I don’t know what you don’t see in me. I’m the perfect guy and yet you throw yourselves at these obnoxious men instead of me, the supreme gentleman.”

Rodger’s comments inspired an online conversation Saturday around the #YesAllWomen hashtag to criticize the way society teaches men to feel entitled to women at the expense of their health, safety and…

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Why We Need To Talk About Elliot Rodger

Very poignant and all too true. James Michael Sama’s piece is informative, interesting, and important. Check it out.

JamesMSama.com

For those of you who are unfamiliar with Elliot Rodger, he is (was) the 22 year old son of Hunger Games second unit director Peter Rodger. Elliot has recently carried out his predicted slaughter of women (7 killed in total) and then himself. Elliot submitted a 140+ page personal manifesto which chronicles his life and loneliness in incredible detail. Gawker has published Elliot’s YouTube threat(s) as well as his full manifesto.

Image

Why did he do this? Because he was lonely. Because he was a 22 year old virgin and had never kissed a girl. Because he had a deep hatred for women who rejected him and for men who were sexually active. Because he saw himself as the perfect man, the “true alpha male” as he says in his videos – and yet all women rejected him.

Why do we need to discuss this? Because some people will actually…

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A Farewell from Professor Christian Brown

Thoughts from a visiting Skidmore professor.

I got the PhD in August 2013. A few days later, I packed my things and drove from the heart of Tennessee to Saratoga Springs. I lived the first 25 years of my life in Tennessee, but in leaving, there was no heavy-hearted contemplation, no soliloquy, no dramatic farewell. Congratulations, I pronounce you Doctor of Philosophy (whatever that means). We’ll see you around. Or not. The only thing on my mind as I walked for my bachelor’s degree was the upcoming challenge of the PhD; the only thing on my mind as I walked for my PhD was upcoming challenge of professorship. Now, as I start my final week of classes at Skidmore, I’m not fixating on the ever-peripheral past and future. Maybe for the first time, I’m allowing myself to focus on the remarkable moment at hand.

Apologies if the following sounds like a mediocre commencement address: Skidmore College is…

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My Friend was Sexually Assaulted in my Bed

bed

Recently, the internet has been abuzz with sexual assault on college campuses. It’s all over the news, finally getting the publicity it needs in order to stop happening. Sexual assault is not only unacceptable, it is morally repugnant and happening in ridiculous numbers all over the world. We probably all know someone who has been sexually assaulted, whether we know it or not. It’s an issue we often push to the back of our minds, recognizing it is a problem every time we read about it, but not letting it interrupt our daily lives. For every victim though, escaping the reality of the assault is not that easy – every time their name is mentioned, every time they think about that night, every time these articles are published – the assault becomes all that much more real again.

In an effort to not lose the individual in a sea of statistics, we need to hear their stories. Because in seeing the trees for the forest, we can see how close their stories are to our lives.

My friend was sexually assaulted in my bed. I didn’t find out until weeks later, but there it was. I was out of town for the weekend when it happened. My friend, Melissa*, went out with a group of our friends to some bars. They drank, they danced, they had a good time. George*, the designated driver, bought everyone drinks. George and Melissa danced together, and even though Melissa wasn’t really interested in pursuing things further, she was drunk and having a good time dancing. At the end of the night, George drove everyone back to where we lived. Everyone else split off, and George and Melissa somehow ended up in my room. George pushed Melissa on the bed and put his hand in her pants. Melissa was very drunk, George entirely sober, but Melissa knew this was not something she wanted. He dry humped her as she told him to stop. He unzipped his pants as he fingered her. She kept telling him to stop, but he didn’t. At some point his hands were around her neck, not choking her, but threatening nonetheless. She didn’t fight back physically, but she told him “no” over and over again. He told her not to worry, that he “wouldn’t put it in,” as if this was supposed to be somehow comforting to her. He asked if he could cum for her, and again, she told him “no.” Eventually, Melissa doesn’t remember exactly how, she and George ended up in the hallway with other people and the night came to an end.

Melissa never reported this incident, and the number of people she’s told is very limited. George was a friend, and though Melissa knows that she wasn’t asking for any of this to happen, she feels bad for leading him on. Of the people she has told, some people have brushed it off, saying that George “just doesn’t know where the line is.” This may have been true, when it came to George’s previous flirting, inappropriate comments, and touchy-feely personality. But when it comes to sexual assault, there is no grey area. As soon as someone says “no,” the line has been drawn. “No” is the end. But for so many victims around the country and around the world, “no” doesn’t stop them from being attacked.

*All names have been changed for privacy purposes.

As children, we are taught to “just say no.” When tickling a sibling, we learn that if they say “no,” you have to stop. “No means no.” But what happens when “no” doesn’t work? According to the CDC, 19% of undergraduates have experienced attempted or completed sexual assault since entering college. That is almost 1 in 5 people. According to some statistics, the number is 1 in 4. This means that every person, almost without a doubt, knows someone who has been sexually assaulted. It also means that you may know someone who has been the perpetrator of sexual assault. The Rape, Abuse, and Incest National Network (RAINN) reports that 60% of sexual assaults never get reported to the police. Like Melissa, these victims’ stories remain untold, unknown, and unreported.

It’s time for a change. College campuses are stepping up, the White House is stepping in, and we, as college students, as young people, as millennials, need to stand together. We need to listen to the stories we are told, be aware of the stories we aren’t told, and tell the stories that need to be told. The least we can do is support one another – we need to stand strong and show that we will not accept sexual assault. And never be afraid to “stand up for what you believe in, even if it means standing alone.”

 

For more information, check out these sources:

http://www.cdc.gov/violenceprevention/pdf/sv-datasheet-a.pdf

http://www.rainn.org/statistics

 

(photo via flickr.com)

 

15 Things We Forget To Thank Our Best Friends For

Thought Catalog

Parks and Recreation: Season 3Parks and Recreation: Season 3

[tc-related post=267318 align=right]

My best friends are an extraordinary group of people. They are all so different, yet so much alike. Some friendships I’ve had for years, some are new and growing stronger by the day. Either way, there are some things they all do for every day that I forget to thank them for. I feel like it’s about time to start, because without them, I wouldn’t be who I am today.

1. Thank you for being there not just when it’s convenient for you, but when it’s not. I know that I can call you at 2am and you’ll come running to my side. We all have our own things to deal with and adjustments to make, but you always take a break from your hectic life to make sure that I’m okay. When I need a shoulder to cry on, I know…

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7 Things I Regret

1. The number of times I’ve washed my sheets this semester…

2. Not noticing how amazing my boyfriend is earlier.

3. The amount of money I spend on coffee.

4. How seriously (a.k.a. not seriously at all) I took my classes this semester.

5. Not having more shows on my iTunes (I can recite all the ones I have word for word).

6. Making out with someone I didn’t want to because I felt like I “should.”

7. Not giving chances to the guys I should have and giving too many chances to the guys I shouldn’t have.

I’m not somebody who lives with very many regrets, but these are some of the few I have. I also believe that it is better to regret something you did than to regret something you didn’t do (I didn’t come up with that myself, for the record), and sometimes I have to remind myself that it might be a worthwhile experience, even if you regret it. Stay posted for more things I regret.

10 Thoughts You Have When You Sleep Through Class

Sleep

1. Grrrmmbbmmmrll. What is that awful noise? Why does it keep happening?

2. That’s definitely my alarm. How long has it been going off for? Ughhh I don’t want to roll over to grab my phone and turn off the alarm.

3. 7:40. Okay, I don’t have class until 9, I can definitely snooze that.

4. I think there were some things I was going to try to get done this morning before class, but I don’t remember them so they must not be very important.

5. WAIT did that say 7:40 or 9:40?!

6. Shit. 9:42.

7. I mean… I could get up, throw some clothes on and run for the second half of class?

8. Yeah, I’ll do that. Buuuuut then if I do that, I’ll be out of breath when I get to class so I’ll be panting and sweaty and have to run in and everyone would stare and it would be embarrassing.

9. Totally not worth it. I’m going to keep sleeping, I like that idea better.

10. Time to email my professor and tell him I was really sick and just couldn’t imagine getting out of bed.

 

(featured photo: raspisnaiya.blog.ru)

JoBurg

I just realized that I never posted photos or updates about my trip to Johannesburg, so here are some of the photos of the weekend trip I took there. It was a Friday-Sunday trip with 10 other CIEE students and two CIEE advisors and it was totally amazing. We went to a lot of monuments and museums and ate some delicious African food (I tried chicken feet!). These are the photos from the trip:

In Soweto:

Cape Town 1680

An Adorable Zulu Dancer in Soweto:

Cape Town 1686

Mandela House in Soweto:

Cape Town 1688

Freedom Park:

Cape Town 1693

Cape Town 1697

Cape Town 1696

Voortrekker Monument in Pretoria:

Cape Town 1699

Cape Town 1705

Cape Town 1711

The Nelson Mandela Monument at the Union Buildings in Pretoria:

Cape Town 1719

Cape Town 1722

Cheetahs and Table Mountain: A Week Full of Adventure

Check out the piece I wrote for my study abroad blog about my most recent updates!

You're Off to Great Places

Last week I realized I have just about a month left here, so I have been rushing to get some last fun things done before the weather completely falls apart and before finals approach. Last week I went to High Tea at the Mt. Nelson Hotel, where we ate unlimited snacks and had teas on teas at the most beautiful hotel in Cape Town. Then we went to the Castle of Good Hope, wandered around downtown, went to Green Market Square (where I bought a lot of souvenirs and gifts for friends), went to the Slave Lodge, ate at the Eastern Food Bazaar, etc. Here are photos from all of these events:

Cape Town 1875Cape Town 1876Cape Town 1880Cape Town 1881

This week, my best friend here, Stephanie, had her mom visiting! (Check out Stephanie’s blog here: hakunamatatatia.wordpress.com). Since I still have a lot of things on my bucket list, so I tagged along on many of their adventures…

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Sexting Done Right: 8 Rules for the Sexter in You

Sexting Done Right: 8 Rules for the Sexter in You

We’ve come to a point in time where sexting is no longer shameful but a normal (and yes, somewhat expected) part of relationships. As long as you’re not James Franco or a politician (seriously, what is wrong with the people we have in our government?), then there is absolutely nothing wrong with a little sexting from time to time. People have been sharing nude photos with their hunnies for ages, just without the technology of smartphones and instant internet access. Now I’m not saying go ahead and send dick pics to everyone in your contacts the next chance you get but if you and your boo are committed to one another, what’s the harm in sending them a few naughty photos? I know what some of you are thinking: Sexting?! What?! No way!! If those pictures got out, that could ruin my social life, my academic life, and my future career. Well, you’re right, but here are some rules to follow if you decide you want to risk the exposure (pun intended) and send some sexts:

  1. Ask yourself: ‘Do I trust this person?’ If the answer is yes, then go ahead and shed your clothes for that sexy selfie; if the answer is no, then put your phone back in your pocket and leave your clothes on.
  2. Don’t show your face if you’re unsure. The photo can basically never be tracked to you (unless you have some very noticeable tattoo or piercing, or you’re being tracked by the FBI) if you don’t show your face. A picture of your body is plenty revealing enough, so if you don’t want to, keep your face out of the photo.

Follow the link for the rest of the rules!

 

Being The One

Nathan Hancock

Are you sure?

Yes.

How do you know?

I just know. He’s the one.

It’s never been easier to find the one. You can find books or blogs about it. Match.com just added a new feature that can match you with other fans of your favorite baseball team. Finding the one has essentially become finding someone who fits the list. There’s plenty out there about finding the one. On the same side of the coin, it’s never been easier to fall in love.

But what about being the one? It’s easy to talk about, cry about or complain about finding the one (or your troubles in the pursuit), but being the one gets a bit less attention. How do we become the other person’s one? When we cross paths how will we know, and if we’re led to some tiny thought that leads to a first date which leads to…

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The 12 Awkward Moments You Can’t Avoid When You’re In College

“You met this person the first week of school, during one of those brutally uncomfortable orientation events where you’d be like “where are you from,” and they’d be like “Rhode Island,” and you’d be like “that’s a state”, and they’d be like “I know, does this mean we can say hi to each other?” “

Thought Catalog

AcceptedAccepted

1. The Post Makeout Encounter

The person you recently endured a mildly disappointing dance floor makeout with is on the other side of the lawn. It’s too late to change course without it being obvious — a few more steps in your current direction, and you’ll brush right by each other. Do you: 

  • A. Determinedly stare at your phone
  • B. Look slightly away, hating yourself
  • C. Date for 14 months

2. The Collective “Not Doing The Reading” Shame

“I know you didn’t do the reading, but I’m gonna act like I assume everyone did. And then revel in the fact that you guys are all really uncomfortable right now.”

– Professors

3. The Mistaken Wave

[tc-related post=”307506″ align=right]

When your girlfriend is across the street, it’s generally a great move to wave to her — a slightly obnoxious, yet overall loving method of letting her know that you’re thrilled…

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50 Little Life Lessons I Learned In College

“49. Don’t drink beer if you don’t like it. Don’t wear pearls if you’re not comfortable. Don’t pretend to like bands you actually hate. You do you.”

Thought Catalog

shutterstock_11691238Joy Brown / Shutterstock.com

1. It’s better to be the person that says “hello” and is ignored than the person that avoids eye contact.

2. Sometimes loyalty is the only quality you need in a friend.  Forget similar interests or identical senses of humor; if you can each count on each other being there when you need it most, you might’ve just found an invaluable friend for life.

3. Always take your make-up off at night—no matter how tired/drunk/rushed you might be.  You won’t regret it when you avoid the raccoon eyes the next morning or the break-out a week later.

4. Never tell someone when he or she looks sick or tired; they probably already feel it.

5. On that note, never point out someone’s sunburn; trust me, they already know.

6. Don’t judge someone for not drinking.  Don’t judge someone for drinking too much.  Don’t judge someone for…

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Really Quick Update

Some updates and photos from my semester in Cape Town!

You're Off to Great Places

So……… It’s been a very very long time since I last posted something, so I apologize. I’m going to give a brief overview of everything I’ve done recently (and by recently I actually mean since the first month here). I can’t even say I’ve been to busy to write, because I’ve been posting on my other blog all the time. I’ve just been lazy. Okay, so here’s the update:

  • Homestay – did a homestay weekend in Ocean View, a township outside of Cape Town. Stayed with a really cool family and ate some great food, as well as playing with a wonderful 8-year-old. And I saw camels.
  • Johannesburg/Pretoria trip – went to the Apartheid Museum, the Mandela house, Desmond Tutu’s house, Soweto, the Union buildings, the Voortrekker Monument, and Freedom Park, in addition to having delicious food. I ate chicken feet. What? I know. Basically, it was super fun and…

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20 Stages of Study Abroad

Suitcases

1. If I hear one more adult tell me “oh my goodness that’s going to be incredible, it’s such a beautiful and interesting place, you’re going to have the time of your life, I wish I’d gone abroad in college, so tell me how you decided that’s where you wanted to go,” I’m going to kill someone.

2. Shit… I leave in three days, I guess I should pack now.

3. Am I really about to spend four and a half months in a country I’ve never been to before? What am I doing?! Well, too late, I’m already on the plane.

4. Well, this is definitely not America.

5. Nope, I do not speak that language. Say it again, only much, much slower.

6. Oh my god I can buy alcohol here!  Partayyyyyyyyyyy

7. Jet lag + hangover? Not the best plan.

8. Wait, you mean I actually have to go to class? I don’t get to just explore and spend my days eating food and going to museums and living life? I did NOT sign up for this.

9. Okay, so I can definitely skip a few classes to go to the beach, right?

10. This is my favorite place on the planet. I’m never going home. Never.

11. You mean to tell me that I can’t Skype my mom? On the day I want to? Why is the internet so struggley? I know it’s a first world problem, but now I’m sad. This is bullshit.

12. Dear mom and dad, please send sustenance. I need Kraft Mac&Cheese and peanut butter and Girl Scout Cookies.

13. I should probably try to make it to some of my classes. There’s no way my attendance record would fly in the states.

14. Can I go home yet?

15. I never thought I’d say this, but I miss America.

16. Hold up. When did schoolwork happen? Shit.

17. What do you mean I only have a week left?! Ahh! In order to remember how important this trip has been, I have to buy everything – souvenirs and gifts and pictures and paintings and art and I might as well get a tattoo while I’m at it right?

18. Here I am, on the plane. I think I might cry. I’m not even really sure why… I’m sad to leave and happy to go home and I’m just totally overwhelmed by all the feels.

19. Home sweet home! I think it’s time for me to overdose on ‘Murrica. I need Starbucks, ASAP. And Target. I need to go to Target immediately. While I’m at it, a Walmart trip could be a nice reminder that I’m really home. Please don’t bother me while I spend all my time browsing the internet with my 3G. I need to buy things in bulk. I need to be confused by only having green dollar bills. And I need to watch a Friends marathon while I eat a burger and listen to Sweet Home Alabama. Right now.

20. So I’ve been home for two weeks. Can I go back now?