Things He Doesn’t Need to Know

You and your guy might be closer than close, you might be best friends, you might be everything to one another. That doesn’t mean you need to know every little detail about each others’ lives. Do you REALLY want to know the last time he vacuumed his room? Probably not. There are some things he probably doesn’t want to know about you either…

Here is a list of seven things he just doesn’t need to know:

1. All the things you bought while shopping. Yes, I know, you go out for a day, spend too much money, come home, and just want to do your own personal fashion show with each and every item of clothing you bought. But chances are, your boyfriend/fiancé/husband probably doesn’t care. Unless it’s from Victoria’s Secret, don’t New-York-Fashion-Week-it for him. Just let him be surprised next time you wear that sexy black dress and be happy with his reaction.

2. The last poop you took. YOUR BOYFRIEND DOES NOT NEED TO KNOW ABOUT YOUR BOWEL MOVEMENTS. I don’t care if you’re soul mates. Nobody needs to know that shit (pun 100% intended), let alone the person you’re sleeping with. If you decide you NEED to tell someone about it, that’s what best friends are for. Or doctors.

3. How cute that other guy is. Just stop. He should be the cutest guy in your life (and no, Ryan Gosling does not count as “in your life,” so the guy you’re with should be the one you’re most attracted to) and he doesn’t want to hear about the other guy who you think is so cute. Boys can be insecure too, and noticing things about another guy means you aren’t noticing those things about YOUR guy.

4. The time you faked it. Look, I’m not saying you should fake it regularly, but everyone knows there are just some times where you think you’re in the mood but then you realize you’re tired and just want to watch Say Yes to the Dress and fall asleep, and it just isn’t going to happen. It sucks, but it’s the reality. And he doesn’t need to know. All it’s going to do is hurt his feelings and make him feel inadequate, so don’t do it. If he asks directly, then maybe tell him, but never just bring it up out of the blue. It’ll bum him out. If you’re faking it a lot, there may be some other issues going on.

5. The last time you washed your bras. Those things are hard to wash, and seriously, how gross do your boobs get? Not very gross.

6. The gory details of your period. He went to 8th grade health class, he knows how it all works down there (and has probably tried to forget as much of it as he could). All he needs to know is what week it is and what your favorite flavor of ice cream is.

7. About the guy who hit on you the other night at the bar. Look, he knows you’re hot, he’s with you for a reason. He doesn’t need to know the nitty gritty details of the guy who tried to buy you a drink the other night, especially if he’s at all the jealous type. Tell your girlfriends who will actually appreciate it and then move on.

Next time you go to tell your guy about your makeup routine, think again. Does he actually want to hear about that…? Do you actually want to hear about his last video game conquest? If the answer is no, it’s not worth telling him and being disappointed by his unenthusiastic response. You two definitely have a lot in common, talk about those things instead!

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