1. Alright, here we go, I’m so ready for this.
2. Okay, internet, any time now.
3. Oh god, oh god, oh god, I have 3 minutes and my internet STILL won’t connect.
4. Fucking internet! Why now? Why me?!
5. I might as well just assume now that I’m not getting this job. Connecting to the internet is the easiest part of this interview. She’s going to think I’m late, irresponsible, and incompetent. There is no way I’m getting this. I might as well stop trying now.
6. Oh, okay. Right, had to press ‘connect.’
7. So… where is she? We did say interview at 3, right? I should check my email.
8. Yes, definitely 3:00. But… it’s 3:10, so… I’m definitely connected to the internet, right?
9. This is my fault. I know it. She was probably on a few minutes early and because I wasn’t there, she logged off.
10. Oh hey! She sent me an email! “Running a few minutes late, sorry.” Okay, good, so it’s not my fault.
11. Alright, but now it’s been half an hour. This would definitely not be acceptable if I were late.
12. OHMYGOD it’s ringing. How many rings do I wait?! I don’t want to seem too eager, but I want them to know I’m excited about this opportunity!
13. “Hi! It’s so nice to finally get to talk to you.” Oh no, what did I just say? She’s going to think I was being rude because I said “finally.” I’m screwed.
14. Okay, I think this is going alright. Keep breathing, keep being you. You got this.
15. That was the worst response ever, I cannot believe I just said that. Let’s hope the internet cut out or something and she didn’t hear that.
16. Oh my god is she writing things down? I should just bow out now.
17. She better not ask me to stand up or she’ll be able to tell I’m not wearing pants.
18. Wait is that it? Do I have any questions? Uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh. Come up with something! Stop sitting here like an idiot and ask her something!
19. Solid. Okay, it’s done. I can go pee now.
20. I definitely hung up, right? She can’t still see me?? I’ll just close my computer for good measure.