Swipe Left: Confessions of a True Tinderella

Tinder

Nope. Swipe left. Nope. Nope. Nope. Left left left. Oooh, he’s kinda cute… but which one is he? Group photo, another group photo, aaaand another, nevermind, this is too much work. Left. This one looks like he has a girlfriend… he does know this is a DATING app, right? Left. Oh now wait a second, this one looks like he may be a keeper! He’s even got a clever tagline. Swipe right. “It’s a match!” After a few days, you get a message. “Hey.” He’s so articulate, he’s definitely making a good impression on you. You send a couple flirty messages back and forth, the winky emoji’s make an appearance, and next thing you know he’s asking you to get coffee. AHHHHHH! Well, he seems mostly normal, but what if he’s not?! You chicken out, making some feeble excuse about midterms and projects and that’s the end of that with Tinder Boy #47.

We all know the drill WAY too well. But what happens if you DON’T chicken out? How do these guys measure up in real life? Well, I interviewed a true Tinderella, and here’s what she had to say:

How long have you had a tinder?

Well I’ve had it kind of on and off since this past summer. Maybe late July? I’ve deactivated it a couple of times, though.

How many matches do you have?

Shoot, I’m not sure. I haven’t really kept count and you lose your previous matches when you deactivate your account. But over 50 would be a good guess.

Do you ever start the conversations? Or do you wait for the guy to make the first move?

Very rarely, I kind of like to see what they say and I decide if I want to continue after that. Usually a hey with multiple smiley faces is a definite no.

How do you pick which guys to “like”? Pictures, tagline, location? Which factors play into it for you?

Pictures are obviously the biggest part. All group pictures=no, you’re too insecure to show just yourself. If they’re attractive I definitely look at location. I usually try to stay in the city where I go to school but occasionally I’ll branch out to the next city over. Taglines don’t matter as much to me but if they’re really good or really bad that can affect things too.

Of these guys, how many have you actually met in real life?

Three.

Have there been other offers that you’ve turned down?

Oh yes haha. Some guys are just creepy on tinder. Or just way too forward. I know you have to be a little forward, that’s the point. But those guys just kind of crossed the line.

Alright, you have to spill – what’s the weirdest you’ve gotten?

There have been some odd situations after I started talking to someone but I’ve gotten “Hey sweetheart, what’s your story?” Nothing too crazy up to this point.

Well, that’s not too bad. So, tell us about these guys you met. How did it happen, what did you guys do, how many times did you see them?

The first guy that I met was on the college football team and he looked amazing on tinder. Those back muscles… anyway we decided to meet at his apartment. Well I couldn’t find it so I had to call him and he came down to meet me. But for some reason he had decided to wait to run errands until I got there. So we went to best buy. Then we came back to his place… and played video games for an hour and a half. No physical contact except for the hug hello and goodbye. Odd, but not bad or douchey by any means. The other two might take me a bit longer to explain.

Why don’t you give us a brief overview? How many times did you meet each of them?

Well… I slept with the other two. Multiple times, neither of them were one night stands. Not the best sex I ever had, but one time with the first guy was pretty good. The second guy gave me chlamydia… be safe and use condoms. I learned my lesson real good.

Wow. That must have been scary. So are you still in contact with either of them?

The first one i slept with wants to see me again, the second one doesn’t talk to me anymore. He probably thinks that I gave it to him but testing would show otherwise. Whatever though. It was treatable.

So after all this, are you still an active tinder user?

No, not really.

Okay, final question: overall, do you think your tinder experiences have been good ones?

Maybe in the fact that I needed to have those experiences to learn that I never wanted those experiences again. I learned a lot, but they weren’t always pleasant things to learn.

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