10 Things We All Do When We’re Home Alone

Is This Why I'm Still Single?

1.  Sing incredibly loud and off key in the shower (because there’s no better time to sing “Total Eclipse of the Heart” than when you’re lathering soap on your naked body)

2.   Pass gas like it’s your job (because nothing’s more satisfying than letting it rip in the privacy of your own home)

3.   Talk to yourself (because sometimes the only way to understand and cope with your insane thoughts is to articulate them out loud. Or if you’re me you spend your time alone fantasizing that you’re a celebrity being interviewed by Chelsea Handler about your upcoming film project…. Too specific?)

4.   Lounge about in your underwear (because jeans are too restricting and clothes are the patriarchy’s way of keeping us from celebrating the beauty that is our bodies)

5.   MASTURBATE (because if you’re a teenage boy you can’t spend more than 6 hours by…

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