17 Reasons B’nai Mitzvah Parties Were The Best

In eighth grade, you had a more poppin’ schedule than you’ve ever had since then. You had a guaranteed party to go to every single Saturday night and you knew your thirty best Jewish friends would be there. Plus, there was always cake, buffet food, and a killer dance party. Now, you sit on your couch bra-less every weekend, watching Law and Order: SVU well into the night, with your best friends, Ben and Jerry. So sit back, relax (maybe grab a blanket), and relive some of those great b’nai mitzvah party memories.

1. Those hotel room/banquet hall dance floors got really real. You and all your 13-year-old friends knew how to kill it out there.

B'nai Mitzvah - YMCA

You knew that when the YMCA came on, your parents would raid the dance floor and you’d have to pretend they didn’t exist – they couldn’t even do the letters right!

2. You knew all the classic DJ party games and dances – from the hula hoop contest to the dance off, the Macarena to the conga line – and you were always prepared to win.

Your goyim friends didn't even know what was coming; they thought they could win the limbo without doing it every week... boy were they wrong.

Your goyim friends didn’t even know what was coming; they thought they could win the limbo without doing it every week… boy were they wrong.

3. Your parents ended up knowing all your favorite songs, because they were requested every weekend.

It wasn't a successful night if you didn't hear "Barbie Girl" at least once.

It wasn’t a successful night if you didn’t hear “Barbie Girl” at least once.

4. Going to these parties meant you could wear your fanciest dresses… which is all relative when you remember that this was middle school.

B'nai Mitzvah - Dress 2 B'nai Mitzvah - Dress 3 B'nai Mitzvah - Dress 4

This nice plaid one takes the cake though:

You knew all your friends were jealous of this one.

You knew all your friends were jealous of this one.

5. Sometimes your parents would even let you wear heels!

B'nai Mitzvah - Shoes 2B'nai Mitzvah - Shoes 1

6. In order to not be dress too provocatively, you would throw on one of these nice babies to cover up:

You had them in ever color, because they were just the best.

You had them in ever color, because they were just the best.

7. Plus, these dresses would go perfectly with the amazing jewelry you were sure to get at the party.

You may have had an entire drawer full of these at home... but ever need some school pride? Don't worry, you (and all your friends were set to go).

You may have had an entire drawer full of these at home… but ever need some school pride? Don’t worry, you (and all your friends) were set to go.

8. You might even get a nice hat!

Wow. That is CLASSY.

Wow. That is a CLASSY hat.

9. And if the necklaces weren’t enough for you, chances are you could snag a few of these:

The rash on your neck usually went away by the end of the night...

The rash on your neck usually went away by the end of the night…

10. The food was always to DIE for.

Cotton candy machine? Ice cream bar? Sign me on up!

Cotton candy machine? Ice cream bar? Sign me up!

11. And don’t even get me started on the desserts!

This candy bar was just the beginning - there was also cake, a cupcake tower, a chocolate fountain, and personalized m&m's!

This candy bar was just the beginning – there was also cake, a cupcake tower, a chocolate fountain, and personalized m&m’s!

12. There were also always those nice mocktails for you to try.

You and Shirley Temple had a really intimate relationship in eighth grade...

You and Shirley Temple had a really intimate relationship in eighth grade…

13. The themed parties were by far the best, though.

Winter Wonderland theme anyone? Just please don't make me dress up - I don't know how to dress like a damn snowflake.

Winter Wonderland theme anyone? Just please don’t make me dress up – I don’t know how to dress like a damn snowflake.

14. You always knew you would get to leave with some pretty awesome party favors.

You had so many of these, you and your Hebrew school friends could have started a maraca band.

You had so many of these, you and your Hebrew school friends could have started a maraca band.

15. Sometimes the favors were even themed!

Blow up guitar or something to whack each other with?

Blow up guitar or something to whack each other with?

16. And at the really swanky parties, you’d get to leave with something amazing, like one of the following:

It didn't even matter what you ended up looking like, this was the best portrait that had ever been done of you.

It didn’t even matter what you ended up looking like, this was the best portrait that had ever been done of you.

If you were lucky, you would walk away at the end of the night with an airbrushed tattoo (which is ironic, since Jews aren't allowed to get tattoos...).

If you were lucky, you would walk away at the end of the night with an airbrushed tattoo (which is ironic, since Jews aren’t allowed to get tattoos…).

With these light-up glasses, you'd be the envy of your friends (but you wouldn't be able to see a thing).

With these light-up glasses, you’d be the envy of your friends (but you wouldn’t be able to see a thing).

17. And, of course, the best party was your party, when you got to choose the snacks and favors and the DJ would play whatever you wanted and you finally got to be the one lifted on the chair.

Don't let this girl fool you, when you're up there, you're clinging to the chair with both hands.

Don’t let this girl fool you, when you’re up there, you’re clinging to the chair with both hands.

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