If you read any travel guide about Oregon, it’ll tell you the one thing that gives away tourists is umbrellas. And it’s totally true. Oregonians just don’t use umbrellas. And we so adamantly don’t use umbrellas that we make fun of people who do. Here’s why:
Because this is the truest statement that has ever been made.
Because ducks literally swim in the puddles that form. That’s how big the puddles are.
Because this is what Oregon looks like 90% of the year.
Like, I shit you not. This is what I could have gone home to spring break of freshman year.
And when it doesn’t look like gray and dull, it’s too hot. One day it’ll be 40 degrees and raining and the next day it’ll be 85 degrees and sunny (and you’ll be stuck inside, obviously).
Because the umbrellas only come out in the summer. Which is embarrassing for an entirely different reason.
Because “It Never Rains in Autzen Stadium.” Which is the biggest bullshit ever, but it just proves that we don’t even believe rain happens.
Because in real life this is what Autzen looks like most of the time.
But it’s fine, because the fans are ready to go.
You thought I was kidding. I wasn’t.
Because we feel so strongly about it that we have Facebook pages for it (and yes, of course I liked this one).
Because our license plates say the constant state of Oregon’s weather.
Because when we hosted the Olympic Trials in June 2012, it still rained (so much that events had to be cancelled – yeah, we go hard).
Because this is OBVIOUSLY not Oregon.
Because we know that the way to go is ALWAYS rain coat, no pants, bicycle.
Because only a true Oregonian could break the decathlon world record in the rain.
Because we aren’t the Wicked Witch of the West, and we won’t fucking melt in water.
So don’t be a little bitch. It’s just water. Put on your raincoat and suck it up. You’ll be fine.