Road Trip Stream of Consciousness

Is backseat road rage a thing? Because I think I have it. I don’t have normal road rage when I’m driving (although, granted, I only recently got my license… I don’t want to talk about it), but when I’m a passenger, I have no problem yelling at other cars. Like, I actually do it a lot. Tonight I almost flipped someone off before I caught myself and remembered I was in a situation with real people (a.k.a. not my housemates) who wouldn’t know that I’m mostly joking when I give them the middle finger. Anyways, while sitting in the car, I did a lot of insignificant thinking, which is the best kind, of course. These were my thoughts:

“Yes, this is such a good song! I’ll turn it up so nobody can tell how off-tune I am. I came in like a wrecking ball, I never blah blah blah blah blah, all I wanted was to break your walls, all you ever did was… wre-e-eck meeeeeee! I should probably learn those lyrics… nah. Hey! Fucker! Get in your own goddamn lane! Are you serious right now? No way in hell are you getting in this lane. Okay, fine! Get in the lane. I hope you crash. Well, not actually. Like, I hope you get some scratches on your car, or maybe a small dent, no injuries though. That would suck, I think I’d feel pretty morally bad if that were to happen after I’d wished that upon you, so just to clear my conscience in advance, I’ll just hope for some scratches. Yeah. Phew, dodged that bullet. Shoot, I kind of have to pee. Why are there no rest stops? I swear there were 30 like ten seconds ago. I guess I can hold it for now. Nobody make me laugh. Wow, I have so much homework to do… I’m glad I got a page done of that 20 page paper, now I can say I started. I’ll work on it more tonight for sure. Hah, or not… whatever, I’m sure I’ll get it done. Probably. It’s fine, future Ileana can figure it out. She’ll be smarter and wiser and less prone to procrastination. OHMYGOD Macklemore. Yes. I am so excited. Also, I refuse to accept that he pronounces it Mackluhmore. It’s just not right. Little bit of humble little bit of cautious somewhere between like Rocky and Cosby sweater game nope nope y’all can’t copy. Damn, I am a good rapper. People should be impressed. This is a skill. Okay, seriously, still no rest stop? How is this possible? Ugh. What is that smell? Skunk? Weed? No, definitely skunk. Oh my goodness a deer! It’s so cute! Please nobody run it over. Okay, so this Yale Inaugural Ball thing… why didn’t he tell me what the dress code is? Boy best friends are no good at this whole dressing up thing. I don’t just have ball gowns at my disposal! Where’s my damn fairy godmother? I need a dress! You’d think that with the amount I wear a tiara, my fairy godmother would have found me by now! Or at least some sewing mice, come on now. I’ll just keep moving my body, yeah, yeah, I’m always ready to party, yeah, yeah, no I don’t listen to mommy, yeah, yeah, I’m an American girl who really needs to pee! Oh thank god, a rest stop. Ooh, maybe I should buy an iced coffee. No. Eye on the prize. Get to the bathroom. I don’t even care if the automatic toilet flushes on me. Okay, well I kind of do, because that’s actually the worst. Wow, my throat kinda hurts. I should stop singing so loudly. Or not. I’ll deal with the embarrassment of having to explain to people that I lost my voice singing in the car later. Or just tell an even more embarrassing story about a friend! Yep, decision made. Oh my god the guy in the car next to us is SO cute. Shit he’s looking. Look casual, look casual, look casual. Nice.”


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